Let me turn on my stoicness and extract a quote that was translated from the bottomless well of stoic philosophy. This quote was made by Marcus Aurelius, he says:
"Keep in mind how fast things pass by and are gone-those that are now, and those to come. Existence flows past us like a river: the 'what' is in constant flux, the 'why' has a thousand variations. Nothing is stable, not even what's right here. The infinity of past and future gapes before us-a chasm whose depths we cannot see. So it would take an idiot to feel self-importance or distress. Or any indignation, either. As if the things that irritate us lasted."
With this in mind, let me tell you a true story. I met a dear lady a while ago, we hit things off and the sailing was smooth, I like her persona and I believed she liked mine too. We began dating, I did enjoy the moments we shared. On one dark night, the demon in me crept in and I channelled that energy into breaking the lady's heart by quitting. She had absolutely nothing to do with it and I didn't do it out of contempt. But it was a colourless time and such times often turn into a vessel to project one's accumulated hexes outwards. So this was what I did. I took the easy way and poured out some untrue lines as an excuse to get out easy and not face her. Immature right?
Being human, when the cold grip of depression lashes unto my mind, I tend to lash out at any prick that pokes me. I become a terror not only to myself as an individual but also to those that surround me or try to come close. This I never considered, not until I came across a study in Psychology on Psychological Projection and its effect on relationships and socialization.
When in distress, the fear of vulnerability activates the mind's defences, psychological projection is a defense mechanism we subconsciously employ in order to cope with difficult feelings or emotions, it is when you put your ill feelings or thoughts on another as though they are the ones who conceded such ill thoughts. For example a bully may project his or her own feelings of vulnerability onto a weaker target.
To cope with our pent up emotional hexes, we create an arsenal of psychological projection to shut Adam and Eve out of the Eden of our minds forgetting that a pepple that is tossed into a pond begins a reaction from the point of impact to the bank of the pond, unsettling the leaves and sticks floating peacefully on the surface of the pond.
Also, "Men are disturbed not by the things which happen, but by the opinion about the things." we sometimes accuse others of the same mental imbalance we ourselves are suffering from. Someone who feels the compulsion to steal or defraud often projects those feelings onto others. He might begin to fear that his wallet will be shatched or property is going to be stolen or worse he is going to be shortchanged by the woman that sells cigarette up the street. A man who cheats on his wife notoriously, may begin to accuse her of cheating when he senses or dreams of it, If a man is insecure and projecting, they may throw accusations at you out of nowhere. A woman is anxious that she is wasting the best years of her career at a dead-end job. She accuses her artist boyfriend of sitting around wasting his life building castles of art in the air and never trying to change his life for the better by getting a real job or joining the fast-track hustle of youths of his peers.
Depression creates a barrier to communication and social interaction, one who is overwhelmed by it, may begin to slowly withdraw from the external world and recede into the cacoon of one's solitariness chosing to stay unbothered by others and not be a burden to them as well, when they try to come close we show significant irritability and sometimes aggressive behaviour. In times like this, a faithful friend is hard to become or find; harmless interactions, common questions and simple show of love becomes repulsive and we react to them like a threat. We become opportunistic, trying to suck the sweet juices out of any form of relationship, you pass an air of negativity outwards and you inhale the replusive air and blame it on friends and partner. When will you realise that you are the "bad vibe that needs to stay faraway." Your partner may feel like you are the most attractive person that they've ever seen. But if you don't see yourself as attractive, you may accuse him/her of not finding you desirable, because you are projecting your insecurities onto them, they become the projectee.
If we want to have a meaningful, authentic and loving relationship, we have to learn to be aware of our Projection when it occurs. This also involves an effort from both partners, the projector ato be patient, mindful and respectful toward each other. Nothing can get solved unless the Projector is aware he is projecting. Things get worse if the projectee reacts to the blame. To conquer a demon you must know its name, to heal ourselves of this plaque, we ought to access our inner turmoil, accept that they exist instead of denying them and release them by sharing with our partner instead of using the 'Fine" line...I will conclude with these wise words, my boy Epictus' "If you wish it, you are free; if you wish it, you'll find fault with no one, you'll cast blame on no one, and everything that comes about will do so in accordance with your own will..."
